Pretty in Plaid

"My eyes fly open.
What the--?
I reach out into the darkness and feel a wall. It's cold with smooth tiles. I try to find a place to grip, but it's too flat and glossy.

[...]

Am I dead?
Is this my coffin? There's something pressing down on the left side of my body. Is it the weight of the earth?

[...]

And if I were dead, would my knee still hurt? And would I be... hungover? Did i drink so much last night that my hangover followed me into the afterlife?

[...]

Maybe this is purgatory. Cold, dark, smooth, solid purgatory.

Although... I swear I hear snoring. Why would there be snoring in purgatory?

Before I can contemplate any more abotu the afterlife or my own demise, the whole room is suddenly flooded with light and I am blinded.

I hear my friend Suede shout, "Get out of the tub, you fucking morons!" and the door slams.

Oh.

That makes more sense."

--The above is an excerpt from "Pretty in Plaid" by Jen Lancaster (on pgs 221 & 222). I know it's a little long, but I thought it was absolutely hilarious! The whole book is! I seriously just spent the entire morning finishing it. I love the way she writes, It's just so... natural! It reminds me of stream-of-consciousness style writing, but much more organized.

This isn't the first book I've read by Jen Lancaster, "Bitter is the New Black" was--and I have to say, they're both effing great. She just might make it to the top of "my favorite authors" list--which I should probably compile, anyway, since people ask me and although Jane Austin is my staple faveeee (I'm about to finish Pride and Prejudice AGAIN) I'm pretty sure it doesn't reflect the true well-roundedness that is my reading repertoire.

In short. I love it. This book is awesome.

I can't wait to get her other books, too.

Her style is rather girly (so probs not something a guy would pick up--ya know, and tell people about--but they should anyway... there are some pretty awesome/amusing stories about sorority life), but I just laugh my way through her books. Out loud. In public. Which, can be very embarassing. and can also cause people to throw menacing looks in my direction.

But I like to think that those people are just jealous they're not reading my HILARIOUS book.

Trust me. Pick it up.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs* (a low culture manifesto)

This is the book I'm currently reading. (Almost done!!)

I bought this book ages ago because one of my cousins had read it and thought it was hilarious and amazing (she was correct, except about the amazing part... there were some chapters that could've been shortened... so I guess she was really only correct about the hilarious part (in my opinion), but whatevs...). ANYWAY, after I bought the book, I kept trying to read it but could never get past the first couple chapters before a novel would steal my interest away (I'm a novel reader, if you hadn't noticed). The social commentary really isn't my thing.

By about the fourth time I tried (and failed) to read this book, I was pretty much done with it. In my opinion, a girl can only read a chapter so many times before she dreads it (I do this with other books too, like Pride and Prejudice... oftentimes I'll skip the entire first three pages).

So, when my book club was trying to decide our next great read, it took me all of three days to put this book up for consideration. It's taken me the better part of 3 months to read it (mostly because I keep reading novels, too) and I'm so glad I did! It was kind of a struggle for me, mainly because I'm not big on non-fiction--if you couldn't tell.

I suggest everybody read it! I can't wait for book club this weekend!

**My favorite chapter would have to be toward the end entitled: "All I Know Is What I Read in the Papers" and I think a great many of my former journalism teachers/professors would enjoy this chapter, as well.

Bitter is the New Black

I've decided my favorite author right now is Jen Lancaster. I just finished her book, "Bitter is the New Black" and I absolutely LOVED it.

Seriously. Hilarious stuff.

I wish I could quote some of her stuff here, but unfortunately, I'd probably infringe upon copyright laws seeing as though I would quote most of the book.

However, I shall try to find a small morsel.


ps. sorry I've been so awful about quoting. I now have more time to devote to reading :)

pps. going to the library today to check out some more of her stuff. I'm super excited!!

ppps. any of my book club reading this post... I promise I'll read this month's book before our meeting. PROMISE.

ode to the martini

A jar of olives

Is the drink

A dash of vodka

And then, I think...

The crazy begins

And sip a sip

A love to sin

And then a slip

Into the place

I can't avoid

Too fast apace

Until annoyed

A crash and bang

Look up to scarce flee

that slippery clang

Escape to martini

With heavy feet light

I dance long away

And far into the night

Yet tempted to stay

"But then, I'm not

A darling, you see."

The one never caught

and thus ends me!

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

-Edgar Allan Poe

jennifer johnson is sick of being single

"I'm going to look on the bright side, and I will, as soon as I find it."

(p 104)

"I check my online dating account. I'm signed up on ExplodingHearts.com, which is supposed to match you with people better than you could match yourself... When I filled out my profile I briefly considered just saying everything I know guys want to hear, that I'm a size zero and I like to barbecue steaks in a thong and sometimes I have secret lipstick-lesbian fantasies where I get into a pillow fight with my supermodel girlfriend and then we decide to have sex. But instead I opted to tell the truth, just ti minimize the disappointment factor, if nothing else. I listed my real age, my real weight, and my real hobbies, which include watching Golden Girls reruns while eating Taco Bell. Might as well cop to it now."

(pp 21-22)

--from the novel jennifer johnson is sick of being single by Heather McElhatton

"... it is ever to be borne in mind that though the outside of human life changes much, the inside changes little, and the lesson-book we cannot graduate from is human experience. Great literature, past or present, is the expression of great knowledge of the human heart; great art is the expression of a solution of the conflict between the demands of the world without and that within; and in the wisdom of either there would seem to be small progress."

--Edith Hamilton, taken from her book The Greek Way, 1930 & 1942

This is taken from the first chapter in this book which I found at Half Price Books (AAAHmazing store btw) which muses on the affects the Greek culture has had on writing and other areas of Western development. I read this passage though and just thought about the extreme impact the Greeks had on the development of art, religions, literature, drama, philosophy, the list goes on and on.... Sometimes it really is awe inspiring to just look back on the accomplishments of another culture in the history of the world. What if one thing was different about the culture? Maybe I'm being silly, but when I read passages of this nature, I just have such renewed respect for literature--especially when it makes me retreat somewhere and just think.

ps. I'm a huuge mythology buff, which is the main reason I even picked this book up... it turned out to be a reflection on the impact Ancient Greece had on the modern world as well as an exploration and analysis of various areas of ancient Greek culture. But really the reading is extremely intriguing.